Waiting for a Happy Ending

By Stephanie Mallozzi
Staff Writer

Learning to wait for the right person can teach you a lot about life.

Conveniently placed on my small night stand is my cell phone. The radio waves seem to be keeping me awake at night. There it is, just gawking at me without ringing, singing, or even vibrating. The “Battery Charging” screen is all I see.

Here I am, waiting. I’m waiting for that phone to do something. Maybe I’m waiting for my life to begin, and love is that missing piece to the jigsaw puzzle. I’m independent, right? I steal another quick glance of my phone.

There was one summer in particular when all I did was wait. I had no choice in the matter. My boyfriend was fighting in Iraq. I waited by the mailbox that whole summer for letters from him. The summer dwindled away, and he came home in the fall. Like the flowers of the summer, our love story wilted away with the autumn air. It was like I was cast as “girlfriend” in a love story. There I was, halfway through the script, and the script was just blank pages. I needed to move on, find a glimmer of hope.

There are so many shades of waiting. I was in a relationship that was on and off for a very long time. I was always waiting for less disappointment, the person I met years back. I never found that person again, but I decided that I couldn’t wait for things that just weren’t going to happen.

What is there to say about waiting? There are countless things to be said about waiting, actually. Good things supposedly come to those who wait. Waiting isn‘t something entirely new. Whether we’re waiting for a commercial to end, or a relationship to finally work, it’s not usually something we enjoy. See, when we are “waiting” for something bad to come along, all of a sudden we call it living.

Me? Well, I thought I was waiting for Prince Charming, but maybe that’s a bit hopeless. I’m going to be honest, I think about it sometimes. You know, seeing Prince Charming on his white horse ride toward me, in the forest. There I am frolicking and singing with the woodland creatures on a white and red checkered picnic blanket. Our eyes meet. Suddenly Etta James’ “At Last” magically playing in the background; maybe even some wind blowing in my hair. We meet and fall and love, a happy ending. Back here in reality, there is no wind blowing in my hair, but I’m still waiting for my happy ending.

It’s a strange sensation to wake up one morning and realize that I was waiting for something that never existed. All the obvious thoughts pop into my head, time being the most relevant. I feel like I have wasted time waiting around. It’s disenchanting to know that I have wasted my time on some kind of modern day version of a fairytale. This story doesn’t have a happy ending because it was never a fairytale to begin with. I think about what I would do if I didn’t “waste my time”, and when it comes down to it I would get up and live life the way I do every other day.

Maybe I’m not really waiting. This is life. There’s no waiting. Life is happening all around. Maybe I’m arrogant to think I’m really waiting, like this moment isn’t good enough for me because it’s not perfect. Maybe now has the potential to be worth the wait, if we give it a fighting chance. I don’t think that’s a fair philosophy to have - to wait until life is magical, and to just make it magical or whatever life is supposed to be.

It’s funny when it’s 12 AM and you are waiting for an IM, text, call, something to make you feel like your life is moving in a direction. It seems as a society we’re so afraid of being stagnant for a little while - even if it is just to look at the scenery. Here we are, jealous of five-year-olds because they get to play fun games. Kids know how to live in the moment. See, this whole waiting thing has to be a “grown up” problem, because five-year-olds wouldn’t put up with it.

When does it all stop?

Sometimes it just doesn’t stop. Sometimes waiting becomes this kind of relative term. Sometimes there are things that we never got to say, or people we never got to love. Sometimes life gives us situations where waiting isn’t an option. Where waiting doesn’t exist. In this reality, everything is black and white. The waiting is silenced. That kind of waiting is forever. Life doesn’t wait for anyone. In turn I’m not going to sit here and wait for life to begin. It’s already happening.

I glance at my phone out of the corner of my eye. No calls, but it’s okay. I don’t need an ending to be happy. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: this is just the beginning, and there aren’t any rules that say that the beginning can’t be happy too. Happy: that's all it has to be, regardless of what chapter of life it is.