Remembering Mothers On Mother’s Day

Her Death May Be Hard To Deal With, But You’ll Get Through It

By Jennifer Claybrook

Opinions Editor

My mother and I (The photo that I use for my memorial).

Photo by Jennifer Claybrook

This will be the third Mother’s Day I will spend without my mom. I try to handle it as best as I can, but sometimes I’m unable to control my feelings and emotions. It hurts beyond belief to know that I will never, for the rest of my life, spend another Mother’s Day with her.

Each year, other motherless children are also reminded of the mother-daughter/mother-son relationships, and it can be very complicated for them.

Just knowing that they can’t shower their mom with gifts or even give her a simple hug to show their appreciation cuts deep.

“When my mother died April 18, 11 years ago, I took it hard because Mother's Day was just a month away. I remember feeling terrible and rather depressed,” Allison Kirk, a mother of one child, said. “I usually feel a lot of emotions on Mother's Day. But honestly speaking, I feel more aggravation than I do anything because I can't converse with her, hug her, or smell her.”

Yannii Scott, a Northampton Community College student, feels similar. “On July 9, my mom will be gone six years and I hate knowing that I'll never see, talk, or feel her again,” she added.

Marquis Bergman, who recently lost his mother, said, “I get emotional. Really emotional, like I’m going into a depressive state. I don’t want to be bothered with anyone or anything. I start to feel like nothing in the world matters at that time because truthfully it doesn’t.”

Around this time of the year, everyone talks about what they’re going to buy their mom, or where they’re going to take her for Mother’s Day, but it can make those who are unable to do those things unhappy.

“I guess everyone whose mom is still alive I'm kind of bitter towards because I feel like my mom was taken too soon and it’s a holiday,” Scott said.

Bergman added, “I cry a lot. It seems like that’s the only way to feel better,”

Some motherless children don’t even bother to celebrate Mother’s Day because they feel as though things have changed since the death of their mom.

“Mother’s Day just isn’t the same. I really just don’t celebrate it,” said Scott.

Mother’s Day may be hard to get through, but it doesn’t have to be a painful memory.

“I feel kind of depressed and sad, but with my son being there I feel great,” Salihah Williams, who lost her mother at a young age, said. “[It] makes me want to show him everything my mother never showed me”

Even though coping with the fact that your mom is not there, there are so many things you can do to lift your spirit and celebrate the life of your mother. These are a few things that I do to honor my mother on Mother’s Day. Hopefully they can work for you.

Think of all the good times you and your mother shared, whether it’s the walks you used to take in the park together, or even the television shows the two of you  used to watch.

For example, I still watch some of my mom’s favorite cooking shows on the Food Network because I remember when she and I would watch them all day on the weekends.

Talking to friends and family members about the life of your mom could also help too. Hearing stories about your mom and looking at her pictures could possibly make you feel a lot better.

“Now that I am older, it helps to look at photos and talk about all the good times we (my mother and I) shared, with family and friends,” Kirk said.

Writing your mother a letter or poem can also help too. This way, no one will know how you are feeling, especially if you aren’t good with expressing it with others.

Every year, I find it very helpful to write letters to my mom, telling her what I’ve been doing and how much I miss her. Before she died, she made me promise to continue with all of my successes and be happy, so writing the things that I’ve done and how I feel makes me feel closer to her.

Having your own memorial session for your mom by lighting a candle near her photo is a simple but great way to honor her. This can be done alone or with others depending on your comfort. I personally light candles near my favorite photo of my mom. I even play some of her favorite songs. It’s like she’s there in spirit, but not physically.

Visiting your mother’s burial site to leave flowers or even to just say you love her is a great way to honor her as well as cheer yourself up.

“My brothers and I get together and go visit her grave,” Bergman said.

Mother’s Day is one of the many holidays that I find hard to deal with without my mom, but over the years I have found ways to make it better. I know that my mom would have wanted me to be happy every day, even on Mother’s Day. So, I cherish all of the memories that we shared together on this special day to remain happy, just how my mom wanted me to be. I know your mom would have wanted the same. You may not be able to see, hug, kiss, or talk to her, but she’s still there watching over you.