Did you Ever Love Me?

By Shadaya Montgomery
Horizons staff writer

We were together for four years. You lived across the street from me, and I never thought you would be the guy I ever fall in love with. I never thought I would fall in love period. How we met was really awkward, and I never thought we would last because of your reputation around the neighborhood. Something about you captured my heart and you had me for the long run.

Me and you were new to this and neither of us knew what to expect out of this love thing. We so didn’t know what we getting into, but as we got further into it, it wasn’t an easy thing to go through.

Trust and honesty are some very important factors of the relationship, and they hold together and make the relationship strong. The trust in our relationship just wasn’t there, I didn’t trust you and you didn’t trust me. Our non trusting relationship led to a downfall. A downfall that gave us more problems that was ongoing and kept resurfacing. And its not like we solve the problems either, all we did was sweep them under a rug and pretended like they were dealt with.

Then you went to college, and I became really insecure in our relationship. Stereotypically relationships do not last when you try to pursue a long distance one. I had trust in you, but I can’t say I didn’t have that thought in the back of my mind that you were cheating. But I knew you loved me way too much to do that to me so I just brushed the thought away. You told me over and over how you weren’t feeding into the temptation of the wild college life, and I believed you because I loved you and your words seem so sincere and heartfelt.

After your first year a college, I guess you felt that you had to come clean about your experience. It hurt so bad hearing the words flow out your mouth saying how you gave in to temptation so many times as if you couldn’t control your actions. And your reasons of doing those actions were so stupid. I asked “why didn’t you just break up with me?”

It was so hard swallow; I couldn’t believe what you told me. You say you held these secrets from me because you were protecting my feelings and didn’t want to hurt me. But if you love me like you said you did why you would bother to put yourself in those predicaments and follow through with the actions that would eventually lead to my heartache.

But I can’t say that I don’t love you still , but I’m not really sure if you really loved me it’s like way before you went to college I believed your love for me was true. So did it fade? Or did you realize that you wanted to be free? So many questions runs through my mind, and yet you cannot answer the majority of them.

Love sometimes can have a bittersweet feel to it. By falling in love with you I put my heart at risk of heartache. And heartache isn’t a feeling that anyone wants to feel, and it happens way too often in relationships no matter how much love there is in the relationship.