I Lost My Sight, Not My Vision

If life’s hard knocks have beat you up to the point that you
rather give up here is a blueprint on how to fight back.

By Gerry Whitted
Staff Writer

Bang! Went the sound in my head when my eye hit the corner of the dresser in my bedroom, after a two-foot free fall. One half of my world went dark instantly and the other half was curious with fear, to find out what happened.

As I removed my hand from my eye to investigate, I realized that the beet red warm liquid sensation in the palm of my hand was blood. I went to the three-quarter-length mirror in the hallway. The reflection I saw alarmed me. I didn’t recognize what used to be my eye, and I knew I was in need of help.

“Oh no,” I said, while my head began to throb and feel like a woodpecker with a headache. I began to bargain with God with the typical, “If you get me through this one I will change.” I began to list some of my shortcomings. If I were to keep my end of the deal I would look like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.

Do I call 911 or do I look for a neighbor at 8:30 a.m. in this predominantly working class condominium? I chose the latter. I rang the doorbell of Mr. Singh and, as he opened the door, he said with a distinct East Indian accent “Jedee, oh sheet what happened?” I explained and asked if he would take me to the emergency room. He nodded his head yes and put up one finger as to say one moment please.

When he returned, in what seemed like seconds, he was wearing a jacket and I proceeded to my unit to get mine. We moved quickly towards his car on this brisk mid February morning and after a short ride we were in the emergency room. Little did I know that my life was about to change, forever.

The trauma to my eye was so great that, not only was my retina detached, it was outside of the eye. It was determined that I would need specialized surgery and Dr. Stein, one of only five surgeons in Fairfield County qualified, was chosen to perform the task.

By this time my wife, Gail, summoned four of my closest friends. Dwight from the Bronx, Jeff from New Jersey, Mike from New Rochelle and Glenn from Bridgeport. My two sisters, Candice and Judith from New Rochelle and Yonkers, were there, so I was not lacking in the support department.

Dr. Stein, who had examined my eye earlier in the day, came into my room with that positive doctor persona that put us all ease. He put his hands, with manicured nails, on my shoulder and explained the procedure he would use to repair my damaged eye. He also added a piece of information that would crush my world.

Dr. Stein said, “I am not saying give up hope and stop praying, but it is a 99% chance you will not regain the vision in your eye. I’ve done many like this and yet to have one regain their vision. We will know more after the surgery, I just don’t want you to get your hopes up to high.”

I nodded my head and said, “I understand.”

What a blow; I had never felt this way before. At least when my legs were amputated I could get a prosthesis and wheelchair to aid with my mobility. Loss of vision is just that, lost and gone forever.

I would have missed too many classes to go back to school that semester. I would have to quit the Connecticut Wheelchair Basketball team, after training so hard and buying a $1800.00 sports wheelchair. I would have to give up my independence due to not being able to drive. What is the sense of continuing my education? Who is going to hire a no legged wheel chair bound black man with one eye?

The story of my life, it seems, is when things are going great something happens to take away my joy. Did I mention that after almost 25 years of procrastination I decided to go back to college? I even changed my major from Accounting to Journalism after working the corporate offices of IBM, Frito-Lay and The Zales Corp. Obviously my interest changed. Being an auditor was cool but repetitious.

“God what did I do to deserve all of this? Both of my parents are gone, my legs are gone and now my vision. How much more can I take? What more must I do? I try to be a faithful servant to you; yeah I know I can do better. But as I understand it you don’t expect perfection and you will forgive imperfection. Why do I feel you have abandoned me maybe you don’t even exist. Maybe I would be better off being a loser and quitter, while being a negative influence in society. Better yet I’ll stay home and medicate while I am vegetating that would really be cool wouldn’t it? NOT!”

Realizing I had just uttered words questioning the existence of my creator and protector, I grew uncomfortable feeling sorry for myself. I could have lost consciousness and bled to death or I could have hit my temple and died instantly. Though I am one eye from being blind, I am one eye from not being blind. This could have been a lot worse.

At that moment I realized I better make a call before my request to be a loser, quitter and some other negative things I would hate to become. I said “Yo, God you know that conversation we had few minutes ago? I was just venting. I would like to rescind my original request too. Please give me the courage and strength to challenge life’s hardships and challenges in a responsible way.” This was the beginning of the healing process.

After the completion of my successful surgery I called my wife and told her to call school and let them know I would be absent because of surgery. I called my sister Joan and asked her to contact my basketball coach and inform him of the situation.

I returned home after a week of hospitalization and found out how much I had taken for granted. For instance, depth perception, I could not pour any liquid into a glass without concentrating. Cover one of your eyes and do the same and you will fully understand.

My eye healed, and I was cleared to go back to normal duties, whatever that means. The only restrictions were to wear goggles when I played basketball and wear unbreakable lenses in my prescribed glasses.

I went back to school and spoke to my professors to let them know that this was not a visit; I am back. I refused to defer because I was afraid if I chose to, I would never go back. I had to make up at least three weeks of work and, being a full time student,his was going to be a challenge. And a challenge it was.

I could not put it into words for it to justify how hard I worked in spring 2007. I never gave up, though at times I didn’t think I would succeed, but I did.

I finished with a 3.20GPA, so you see there is room for improvement. If I gave up I would never feel the joy that has engulfed my life. Yeah, I have my bad days, but I realize the great days are right around the bend.

This summer I created a newsletter for our condominium tenants, something that has been in the works for about two years. I am still having eye examinations on a regular basis and it was determined I would need a prosthetic eye to make me handsome again.

I have gained a renewed excitement and appreciation for education that has been absent for years. So much that I am, once again, a full time student and working ever so close to meeting my goal to graduate in May 2008.