How to overcome one of America’s most common problems.
Divorce is a growing problem in the United States.
Graphic Courtesy of United States Census
By Vinny DeLillo
Staff Writer
Divorce is a growing problem in the United States.Graphic Courtesy of United States Census
By Vinny DeLillo
Staff Writer
Divorce has the power to turn a once happy family into a broken home. It can tear families apart, it can make enemies out of friends and most of all, it can deeply affect children throughout their entire lives. In this day and age, divorce is becoming more and more common among American families. As a matter of fact, according to DivorceMag.com, 10% of the population in the US is now divorced. That may not seem like a lot, but this number has risen 2% every ten years since 1980. If that’s not enough for you, here is another shocking statistic: According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, in 2001 alone, 50% of all marriages ended in divorce, and the number has only been growing as time has gone on. And speaking as somewhat of an expert on the subject, I believe there are a number of ways to cope with it.
Divorce happens for a reason and more often than not, the aftermath can be hard and troubling for some. When my parents were first divorced, I didn’t know what to do. Since I was so young at the time (6 years old), I wasn’t completely sure how to deal with it or whose fault it was. I felt like I should be taking sides, but I didn’t know whose side I should’ve been on. To make matters worse, my parents would often fight, whether it be over the phone or in person, and it took a toll on me emotionally. I had never seen this side of either of my parents and I didn’t know what to think of it, all I knew was that I was confused and somewhat scared of what the future was going to hold.
Most people will find that one of the biggest problems that comes along with parents getting divorced is the realization that you now have “two” families. That is, you’ve got your dad and his family, and your mom and her family. This may seem like a tall task to undertake at first, but if you balance your time correctly, it can most certainly be done. Whichever parent you’re living with, try to visit the other either every weekend, or every other weekend. When my parents first were divorced, I would alternate weekends staying at their houses. It was a good way to still see my mom, whom I didn’t live with, and at the same time spend time with my dad. Also, try to arrange some impromptu meetings for lunch or dinner with the other.
Keeping the lines of communication open are also very important when dealing with divorced parents. As it is with any relationship, communication is key to maintaining a happy, healthy relationship. Try to make time to shoot your parent a text or a quick phone call during the day, just to tell them that you were thinking about them and you love them. It’ll make you feel better and it’ll let the parent know that he/she is still wanted even though they aren’t in your life as much anymore.
Child psychologists also agree that the best way for teens to cope with divorce is to avoid turning them against their parents. Choosing sides will lead to even more dissension within the family and could possibly terminate the lines of communication for good. Family therapist Isolina Ricci agrees with this theory. “When children are free to love both of their parents without conflict of loyalty, to have access to them both without fear of losing either, they can get on with the totally absorbing business of growing up, on schedule.”
While divorce pales in comparison to many other problems to some, to others it can prove to be quite the obstacle to overcome. Coping with it is a day by day healing process that takes the combined effort of both parents and their children alike, but can be beneficial to both if done correctly. After all, in life, what does not kill us makes us stronger.
Divorce happens for a reason and more often than not, the aftermath can be hard and troubling for some. When my parents were first divorced, I didn’t know what to do. Since I was so young at the time (6 years old), I wasn’t completely sure how to deal with it or whose fault it was. I felt like I should be taking sides, but I didn’t know whose side I should’ve been on. To make matters worse, my parents would often fight, whether it be over the phone or in person, and it took a toll on me emotionally. I had never seen this side of either of my parents and I didn’t know what to think of it, all I knew was that I was confused and somewhat scared of what the future was going to hold.
Most people will find that one of the biggest problems that comes along with parents getting divorced is the realization that you now have “two” families. That is, you’ve got your dad and his family, and your mom and her family. This may seem like a tall task to undertake at first, but if you balance your time correctly, it can most certainly be done. Whichever parent you’re living with, try to visit the other either every weekend, or every other weekend. When my parents first were divorced, I would alternate weekends staying at their houses. It was a good way to still see my mom, whom I didn’t live with, and at the same time spend time with my dad. Also, try to arrange some impromptu meetings for lunch or dinner with the other.
Keeping the lines of communication open are also very important when dealing with divorced parents. As it is with any relationship, communication is key to maintaining a happy, healthy relationship. Try to make time to shoot your parent a text or a quick phone call during the day, just to tell them that you were thinking about them and you love them. It’ll make you feel better and it’ll let the parent know that he/she is still wanted even though they aren’t in your life as much anymore.
Child psychologists also agree that the best way for teens to cope with divorce is to avoid turning them against their parents. Choosing sides will lead to even more dissension within the family and could possibly terminate the lines of communication for good. Family therapist Isolina Ricci agrees with this theory. “When children are free to love both of their parents without conflict of loyalty, to have access to them both without fear of losing either, they can get on with the totally absorbing business of growing up, on schedule.”
While divorce pales in comparison to many other problems to some, to others it can prove to be quite the obstacle to overcome. Coping with it is a day by day healing process that takes the combined effort of both parents and their children alike, but can be beneficial to both if done correctly. After all, in life, what does not kill us makes us stronger.
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